I don’t even know if I really wanted to get pregnant.
We had sex, sometimes with condoms, a lot of times without. Of course I knew that it was a possibility. I do not know how I could even think I was ready, but it happened. My mom knew I was pregnant before I even realized it myself, I swear she has some sixth sense. I was a little more tired than usual and that was her first questions. I think she had to have some idea I was pretty promiscuous up until that point. But we never really talked about it, more like “you better not be doing that”, and moved on. Luckily my boyfriend at the time was well equipped with condoms most of the time. However, if you are always skipping school and staying home to have sex, sometimes you just run out.
I had the worst morning sickness of my life. I was so sick every morning I started missing school. I felt pretty alone in that moment. I was home all day with my head in the toilet. My mom was not really speaking to me. I did not tell too many people. And my boyfriend at the time was going on with life at school. I had no one to turn to.
The realization came when I was on the phone with my boyfriend and he told me he wasn’t ready. I had no idea how I should react to that. I mean I wasn’t even ready, but we did it. It was a conscious decision on both parts. But, he wasn’t ready. I don’t know if he had a conversation with someone, or maybe reality struck him in the head. It was like over night he had a change of heart and got complete cold feet. I just thought to myself how can you get cold feet when you are talking about a baby? I was so confused, I did not even know what to do myself.