Having an abortion was never an option for me. My mom raised me pretty Catholic for the most part and that just a huge no-no. Going to church, from what I remember, taught me that having an abortion was a first class ticket to hell. After all, your killing someone right?
My mom wanted me to have an abortion. For her, having a child was a no-no. She tried to talk me into it but I was so confused. I had a boyfriend who didn’t want the baby, I have my mom who didn’t want me to have a baby, and I honestly don’t even know what I wanted.
Of course I planned a future, I was very dedicated to school. And I guess any guy that was willing to give me some attention.
My mom told me I had to get an abortion, I was missing too much school and I needed to make it happen ASAP.
Do you know the feeling you get when you call clinics to see how you can get an abortion for free? In that moment, I felt like a failure. Maybe I need to get an abortion and get myself together. I told my boyfriend that I was getting an abortion and I instantly heard the relief in his voice. It didn’t make me happy but it was the truth.
Now I am going to hell. That is all I kept thinking. It is a horrible feeling. To feel pregnant knowing you are not going to have a baby in the end is a hard pill to swallow.
I looked up abortions and how they happen. I read you can be given a pill, but only in the early stages. I was almost three months along. I was finally able to schedule the abortion. It was a small clinic. They did a procedure called a DNC, basically scraping the “baby” out. I will never forget it. I was completely numb so I did not feel a thing. It was quick and I just felt awkward. They said the medicine they gave me would make me a little woozy. They did their thing and sent me on my way. I did not feel myself and asked my mom to pull over, I opened the door and hurled everywhere. I felt that. I know this sounds weird but that is when I felt the emptiness. What ever was in me is completely gone. That was the last morning I threw up.